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by Tulikettu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Pastries, There's A Tag For That, Yasha is a bro, no beta I live with my mistakes, presumed unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28460250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tulikettu/pseuds/Tulikettu
Summary: Caduceus likes Fjord, but doesn't think Fjord likes him.So when someone else shows an interest in him he decides it's a sign.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26
Collections: Pride Month 2020





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**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2020 Pride Month Prompt #16 First Kiss
> 
> Happy New Year, Critters!
> 
> I feel like this started off with a lot of detail and then it got kind of rushed so I'm sorry if it's not as tasty all the way through.

Beau is somewhere. That’s as much as Caduceus knows. But then again he doesn’t know a whole lot of things right now. He’s had a few drinks. He doesn’t really know how many, his drink seemed to keep...refilling itself. But everyone here is so nice, they’re very generous. And everyone is very kind to him. He’s had a lot of compliments from a lot of nice gentlemen. Some not so gentle, but they always end up being steered away. 

He’s lolling in a booth feeling warm and happy when Yasha slides in beside him. 

  
“Are you okay?” she asks. 

“Oh yes, I’m very good,” Caduceus smiles, everything seeming to move slowly slowly. “Where’s Beau? Is it just us?”

Yasha smiles back. “I think she found someone to go home with. Do you want to go home too?”

Caduceus thinks for a moment, closing his eyes to listen to the music. “Nah, not just yet. I like it here.”

Yasha gives him a look that Caduceus doesn’t see but also wouldn’t know how to interpret if he did. 

“I’m going to go and dance,” she says, patting Caduceus’ leg and getting up again. 

He nods, but Yasha is already gone. 

His eyes open when another body slides into the seat beside him, his head turning to look at the new person. 

“Hello,” Caduceus greets brightly.

“Hey. Hope you don’t mind me joining you?” 

His accent reminds Caduceus of the way Fjord used to speak, and it makes his smile grow for the moment. The man beside him is a half-orc, too. Muscular, big. Maybe Caduceus’ height standing if him seated is anything to go by. He has tattoos all over his arms, the way Wursh does, and without thinking Caduceus reaches out a hand to trace the lines of the ink. 

“These are beautiful,” he says, his voice slow and slurred. 

“Thank you,” the half-orc says. “I collect them.”

Caduceus lifts his eyes slowly and really looks at his new companion. It’s a very rare thing that he’s taken by someone’s looks, but the breath leaves him in a rush. 

“Wow,” he whispers.

“Now that’s a compliment I don’t get a lot,” his new friend says. 

“I find that very hard to believe,” Caduceus smiles, looking at the man’s long hair, tied up in a thick bun above his head, and his beard styled down to a point with a few beads woven into it. His eyes are pale amber in colour, not like Fjord’s. Fjord’s are golden. “You’re very nice to look at.”

“You are genuinely the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen in my life,” the man returns, shifting around gently so that he’s facing Caduceus rather than just sitting beside him. “I know you probably get that a lot-”

“I really don’t,” Caduceus says thoughtfully. “That’s a first.”

The man smiles at him. “Now who’s spinning lines that are hard to believe?”

Caduceus blinks at him slowly. “I’ve not met a lot of people in my life. My family and now my friends-there’s seven of us. I only really meet other people when we’re fighting with them.”

He watches as his companion gazes back at him thoughtfully, his expression soft and amused all at once. “My name is Vallo.” The half-orc holds out his hand.

“Caduceus,” Caduceus takes his hand and shakes it gently. Vallo’s grip is strong and Caduceus shivers a little. 

“Beautiful name.”

“You’re a very charming man,” Caduceus smiles. Their hands are still touching. The amount of times he’s wished that Fjord would look at him this way. Not just the want that he sees in Vallo’s eyes, but the interest, the whole, undivided attention being bestowed on him. He doesn’t blame Fjord. It’s okay for him to not like Caduceus in that way. It just aches a little. 

“I’d ask if I could buy you a drink, but you seem to have had plenty, I wouldn’t want you to think I’m taking advantage,” Vallo says kindly. 

“Do they have anything here that doesn’t have alcohol in it?” Caduceus asks, because he wants to have a drink bought for him, he wants to spend more time with this man, but he wants to remember it all. 

Vallo’s smile seems to soften. “Do you want to come to a cafe up the road? We can get some milk, have a pastry, maybe?”

“But it’s so late,” Caduceus says, his eyes widening. “There won’t be anywhere to go.”

Vallo laughs. It’s such a gentle laugh that Caduceus wants to climb into his lap and be wrapped up in the warmth of it.

“There are places open. Not everyone wants to go out drinking. People want to go on dates.”

“I suppose they do,” Caduceus replies thoughtfully. It’s not something he’s ever done. “I’ve never been on a date.” 

Vallo’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Well, perhaps you’d like to go and get a hot chocolate and a pastry and we can call it a pre-date. I’ll pick you up for a real one when you’re sober. Next Time.”

“Next time-” Caduceus repeats the words softly, feeling a little buzz of happiness in his chest. 

“I’ll find your friend and we can tell her where we’re going. She’s welcome to come along if she wants to, just to make sure you’re okay.”

Caduceus sighs deeply, gazing at the man beside him as though Melora Herself had crafted him especially for Her cleric. He had felt that way about Fjord. He still feels that way about Fjord, but Fjord doesn’t feel the same way about him, and Caduceus isn’t going to try and change his mind. 

“Wow, you’re great,” he smiles at Vallo instead, reaching for his hand again and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“My parents raised me to be a gentleman, what can I say?” Vallo grins, lifting Caduceus’ hand to his lips and kissing the back of it before slipping out of the booth and going to find Yasha. 

He returns not long after with her beside him, and they’re already chatting amicably. Caduceus smiles at them both, a drunk but soft expression on his face. 

“So- I’d like to take Caduceus for a drink or something- something non-alcoholic. Just up the road,” Vallo says, getting into the seat beside Caduceus again. Their hands find each other immediately, and that fluttering in Caduceus’ chest begins once more as their fingers lace together. “You’re more than welcome to come,” the half-orc spares Yasha a quick glance before his eyes are back on Caduceus. “Or I can just walk him home after. We’ll only be an hour.”

Yasha leans against the table, towards Caduceus. “You look a little bit more sober than when I last saw you-” she doesn’t mention that Caduceus looks positively breathless and the flush in his cheeks looks more like happiness than the warmth of alcohol. “-you remember where we live, right?” She’s teasing, of course, but Caduceus still appreciates it. 

“Yeah, the Xhorhaus,” he rolls his eyes at her playfully, then returns his attention to Vallo. “We can’t miss it. It’s the big house with the tree and the lights on the top.”

Vallo’s eyes widen and he laughs. “Of course. Of course you live there-”

“I grew the tree myself,” Caduceus replies. “From magic, but still.”

“You can show me one day, maybe,” Vallo says gently, squeezing Caduceus’ hand. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’d love to,” Caduceus wants to lean into the other man, but he’s no longer drunk enough for that to be an excuse.

“Cool,” Vallo smiles, forgetting for a moment that they’re going somewhere else. “Uh- oh, yeah, Yasha, you’re more than welcome to come with us-”

“No, no, that’s fine. I’ll head home. We’ll see you in about an hour. I’ll let the others know,” she nods her head and moves back from the table, giving them a little wave as she departs. 

Caduceus thinks she’s a lot smarter than she gives herself credit for, casually dropping in a ‘his friends will be expecting him and if he’s not there we’ll hunt you down’ without sounding threatening at all. 

Vallo shifts out of the seat again and moves around to Caduceus’ side of the booth, holding out his hand to help Caduceus stand. 

And then he doesn’t let go.

They walk out of the bar hand in hand and now Caduceus does lean into Vallo, feeling the warmth and the strength of his body. He is the same height as Caduceus, which is nice. 

“Do you take more after your orc parent?” he asks as they head towards their destination. 

“Oh, yeah. My father,” Vallo nods with a grin. “How did you know?”

“My best friend Fjord, he’s a half-orc, but he’s smaller than you. Shorter and slimmer. I figured he just took more after his mom. Or whichever of his parents was human.”

“That’s likely. It’s not common, the orc genes are pretty strong, but sure, that would probably explain that. You guys all work together and live together, huh?” 

“Oh, yeah. We’ve got our own rooms, though. We get space away from each other,” Caduceus says. His friends have all murmured words like ‘tragically codependent’ about their relationship, but to Caduceus it’s just how family are. In your pockets, around you all the time, but you’d miss them so much when- if that were to change. 

Vallo doesn’t seem to judge any of that, just nods his head in acceptance and swings their hands gently as they walk down the street. 

  
Caduceus isn’t usually out this late just wandering, though it’s a little hard to tell the time without the sky he is used to. He knows it’s late, the city has a different feel to it, something looser and lighter than the more serious tone that seems to colour all of Roshana during the daytime hours, when there are scholars and sorcerers and other important people walking around. 

He’s quite taken with it. With the couples that are walking home from their dates, or heading elsewhere to continue their evenings. Friends hang out in bars and there is a lot more laughter than he’s heard during the day. And maybe it’s because he’s holding hands with someone who makes him feel nice inside, but Caduceus really wants to be out like this more often. 

Vallo steers him towards a cafe that is still doing a good business, the windows steamed up with condensation. The other man opens the door for him and Caduceus steps inside. Jester would be in heaven. The air smells of sugar, it smells of baking and chocolate and tea and coffee. If there were any part of him that was still drunk it’s passed now, Caduceus is absolutely sober and he’s thoroughly pleased. 

“What do you want to drink? And eat?” Vallo asks, his hands moving to Caduceus’ waist, holding him gently as he stands behind, looking up at the roughly written menu above the counter. 

“I’ll- have a hot chocolate. And whatever pastries. I’ve never met a pastry I don’t like-” 

“Then I’ll surprise you,” Vallo says. His words are very close to Caduceus’ ear and a shiver runs through him that will have been noticed. “Go and find a seat for us.”

Caduceus feels as though he’s floating as he moves towards a table near the back, past a few other tables of couples chatting and giggling over their drinks. This was a good idea. He takes a seat and his eyes wander towards Vallo of their own accord, watching as he smiles and speaks to the tiefling girl on the other side of the counter, reaching beneath his leather overshirt to pull out his coin purse. 

He’s a nice man. He’s comfortable in himself. Caduceus would like to introduce him and Fjord but- that feels awkward. It’s not, because Fjord doesn’t have any feelings for Caduceus that would be compromised by Caduceus having feelings for Vallo. He could just introduce them, and hope that it helps Fjord grow a little more comfortable with himself, too. Caduceus can only imagine how wonderful always-confident Fjord would be. When he turns on his charms he makes Caduceus’ heart flutter and ache, and he doesn’t understand why Fjord doesn’t feel that all the time. He’s amazing. And strong, and talented, and brave. It’s hopeless, how Caduceus feels. 

He knows it’s hopeless.

“You look...thoughtful-” Vallo is taking the seat beside him with a plate of pastries, about five, each different. 

“Mhm, I was admiring your confidence,” Caduceus says. It’s not a lie. “It’s quite attractive.”

“Oh,  _ quite _ ? I’ll take that,” Vallo grins. His tusks are very prominent, moreso now that they’re in a well-lit place and Caduceus can see him properly. “I got us a sample plate, so you can find what you want for next time-”

“Thank you,” Caduceus says, breaking one of the pastries in half and offering both pieces for Vallo to choose from. “I am rather hungry. Is that common after drinking?”

“Usually for something a little less refined than a pastry. Most people go and take the last pickings from the fish market,” Vallo chuckles, taking the smaller piece of pastry. Caduceus feels tingles up his arm as their fingers touch. “I used to work there when I was younger. Either unpacking the fish in the morning or trying to push it all at night to the drunks before the next lot came in.”

“What do you do now?” Caduceus asks, taking a bite out of his flaky baked good. 

“I make things out of leather. Usually fancy things for the upper classes, but some armour, some sheaths for weapons and arrows.”

Caduceus pauses mid-bite, his eyebrows raising. “Wow, really?” the words are a little muffled, and maybe a few crumbs fly across the table. 

“I always wanted to work with my hands and make things- not necessarily things for the rich to play with, but I enjoy working them out and making them and seeing them when they’re done,” Vallo smiles, biting, chewing, and swallowing his first mouthful before he reaches out his hand and takes Caduceus’, running his thumb over the top of Caduceus’ knuckles. And now that Caduceus thinks about it, he can feel the callouses there. 

He turns his hand over, his fingertips brushing Vallo’s palm. “I spent the better part of a century digging graves and tending to them. Then I went on the road with my friends. I don’t believe my hands were ever soft-” Caduceus chuckles gently. 

Fjord’s hands are rough. From the few times they’ve touched enough for Caduceus to notice, to savour it, he’s felt the callouses from his years at sea, roughness even in the gentle touches he’s offered Caduceus at times. Years at sea and then time wielding a weapon. Even if he just brushed his fingers over Caduceus’ skin he’d feel the signs of hard work, the years of grafting. Like the map of the path he took to get to hi-

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Vallo says. “It feels nice.”

“I suppose,” Caduceus replies softly. He assumes he knows what Vallo means, of what he’s implying. “I’m not very well versed in...those things.”

“Well, that’s okay. We all have to start somewhere-” Vallo smiles softly. 

That moment the young tiefling from behind the counter comes over with their hot chocolate. There’s a swirl of cream on top, and some more chocolate shavings. Caduceus makes a note to bring Jester here during the day and let her go crazy with literally everything. 

“Would you like to come out with me tomorrow evening?” Vallo asks. “For dinner? For a real date?”

Caduceus picks up one of the mugs of hot chocolate and sips it. Goodness, it’s very good. His ears perk up slightly, and Vallo apparently notices because he lets out a warm chuckle. 

“It’s good, right? We can always come back here instead of going elsewhere-”

“No, no, I’d like to see what else Roshona has to offer,” Caduceus says, sipping his drink again. “I’m a vegetarian, though. I don’t know if that makes any difference-”

“Of course not,” Vallo nods amicably. “I’ll pick somewhere suitable.”

They talk lightly for a little while, they speak of their families, of how they came to be in Roshona. Caduceus tells Vallo a few small stories from their travels with promises of more over dinner tomorrow. 

“Our hour is almost up. We’d better get going so that we don’t- so that I don’t incur the wrath of your friends. You can keep the pastries, maybe use it as a sweetener in case they aren’t happy with me.”

“I think they’re going to like you,” Caduceus says, wrapping the remaining pastries up in a cloth as the two of them finish their drinks.

Vallo takes his hand again as they walk back through the still-busy streets. Caduceus feels comfortable, though, and he feels safe, unarmed as he is. 

He’s also very aware of how starkly their house stands out now that he’s walking back to it with someone other than his friends. Vallo notices the tree from a distance, squeezing Caduceus’ hand. 

“Quite a sight,” he comments softly. “At least you’ll always find your way home.”

“I suppose that’s another good point,” Caduceus muses. Like the Wildmother’s lighthouse in Nicodranus. A beautiful guide. 

“I’ll say goodbye to you here,” Vallo says as they near the gate that allows access to the Xhorhaus. “I would walk you to the door, but that’s a bit pushy for- not even a first date.”

“I’ve had a lovely evening,” Caduceus replies, reluctant to drop Vallo’s hand just yet. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at about six?” 

Caduceus nods. “That’s perfect. It gives me time to cook for the others so they don’t eat junk for dinner.”

Vallo grins, something very fond in his expression. “Well, if you need more time I can wait.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Caduceus whispers. “I’m very organised.”

There’s a moment that Caduceus has never experienced before, a tension that makes his pulse quicken and his breath catch. His eyes move over Vallo’s face just as the other man’s drop to his lips. 

“Goodnight, Vallo-” Caduceus says, not recognising the roughness in his own voice. 

Vallo’s eyes snap back up to his and he smiles brightly. “Goodnight, Caduceus.” He lifts Caduceus’ hand to his mouth, kissing the back of it once more. 

He stands at the gate and watches Caduceus wander up the path to the door. He’s there each time Caduceus looks back over his shoulder, and there’s something just so- so warming about having Vallo make sure he gets in okay. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to stop looking yet. If Caduceus could have walked up the path backwards and trusted himself not to fall over he’d have done it. 

There’s time for one more glance as he pushes open the door, a little wave of his hand, and then Caduceus makes himself step inside, closing the door behind him. 

He leans back against it and has only a few moments of respite before he hears the thudding of feet from somewhere in the house and only a few moments more before Jester is standing in front of him, grinning devilishly, closely followed by Yasha. Yasha’s expression is slightly more sober, though she looks pleased that Caduceus is back and in one piece. 

“You have to tell me  _ everything _ ,” Jester says by way of greeting. To her credit she is putting a lot of effort into suppressing her excitement if the wavering in her voice is anything to go by. “Did he take you somewhere nice? Are you seeing him again? Did he  _ kiss _ you?” 

Fjord chooses this moment to come into the hallway. Caduceus’ eyes move to him instantaneously out of habit, his traitorous heart still skipping a beat. Fjord looks him up and down in a way that is thrilling, though he’s sure it shouldn’t be. 

“Are you okay?” the other man asks. “You got home safe.” The latter statement is an observation more than a question, but Caduceus still wonders what he looks like, dishevelled perhaps, flushed, happy- He hasn’t done anything to warrant him looking too scandalous. 

“I’m fine, yes. Thank you. I’m sorry I’m late-”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jester replies before Fjord has the chance to speak again. “You were on a  _ date _ .”

“It wasn’t quite a date,” Caduceus murmurs, looking to the floor and not knowing why he’s tripping over himself to make an excuse to someone who doesn’t care. 

“He said it was a pre-date,” Yasha supplies, and Caduceus adds her to the list of traitors for the evening. 

“Which means-” Jester is practically vibrating on the spot. “When it’s your real date?”

Caduceus lifts his eyes in time to see Fjord heading through the door at the back of the room to the stairs without another word. Well, there’s no harm in carrying on now, is there?

“He’s coming to get me tomorrow evening, we’re going out for dinner,” he replies, unable to stop the smile that is tugging at the corner of his lips now. “I’ll cook for all of you befo-”

“No! No, we’re getting you ready for your date before, you don’t have time to do boring things like cook,” Jester says, taking his hands and tugging him back towards the kitchen. 

Caduceus thinks it’s besides the point to say that he doesn’t find cooking boring. 

Yasha follows. 

“So so so, tell me all about him! Yasha told me a little bit, she said he was very handsome-”

“I’m not a good judge, though,” the barbarian supplies with a shrug of her shoulders. 

“He is,” Caduceus lets his smile spread, laughing at the silliness of himself. “He’s a half-orc. He’s very handsome. His name is Vallo, he makes things with leather. He took me to a cafe and we had- oh,” he remembers the pastries he’d tucked away and pulls them out. “We had hot chocolate and pastries and we talked for a while. You’d really like the place, Jester, I had no idea bakeries were open thi-”

“Back to Vallo,” Jester intercedes, picking up one of the barely squashed pastries. “Is he from here? How tall is he? Does he have tusks?”

“He’s from Port Damali, actually,” Caduceus says softly, glad for the pastry crumbs he can pile up so that he doesn’t have to meet Jester’s eyes and explain the guilt he feels at a fact that he can’t help. Lots of people are from Port Damali. Fjord isn’t the only one. “He’s my height, which is really nice-” not that there’s anything wrong with Fjord’s height “-and yeah, they’re...nice. He has nice tusks.”

Jester waggles her eyebrows and giggles. “Are you going to bring him in to meet us?” 

“Not yet. Maybe at some point. I’m sure he’d enjoy hearing all of the stories of our travels from more than just me.” Caduceus doesn’t quite have the flare to his storytelling that his other friends do. 

“I’m so excited to get you all dressed up tomorrow and oh my gosh we need to get you something to wear!” Jester claps her hands together. “We’ll go shopping tomorrow.”

“I have clothes,” Caduceus replies. “It’s okay. We’re not going anywhere fancy.”

“But you want to look good for him! And you want whatever you wear to look good on his bedroom floor,” she winks, and Caduceus immediately feels heat flush his cheeks. He hasn’t thought that far ahead. He hasn’t even gotten to the part where they might kiss.

“There’s- there’s a lot of time...we don’t have to worry about that,” he says, his voice cracking slightly. “It’s late, I should probably get to bed if I’m...if there’s so much to do tomorrow. I guess.”

Jester looks disappointed, the romantic in her desperate to stay and weave the story of Caduceus new love life long into the early hours, but Caduceus just wants to be alone for a little while. 

He bids the ladies a good night and heads up the stairs to his rooftop, closing the trapdoor quietly behind him. Up here Caduceus can breathe easier, and he tips his head slightly to gaze up into the branches of his tree, watching the leaves stir just slightly. 

“Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.”

Caduceus didn’t even notice Fjord sitting against the big trunk, his knees drawn to his chest. He makes no move to leave, though, looking up at Caduceus from his spot. 

“No, don’t be silly. You’re all welcome up here whenever you want, you know that,” Caduceus replies quietly, moving closer and feeling that all too familiar skip in his heartbeat. “Do you want some tea?”

Fjord pauses. Caduceus watches him, trying to read his mind. Then his friend shakes his head. 

“I won’t stay. You probably need to sleep.” Fjord rises slowly, and Caduceus can see that he’s trying to make himself seem taller, trying to square up slightly. 

He wants to tell him that he’s perfect just the way he is. That he loves him just the way he is. But where will that get him?

“I’m glad you had a good night. I was worried about you going out with Beau and Yasha. I guess there was nothing...I guess you’re fine, huh?”

He’s impossible to read. Caduceus doesn’t know what’s going on, he doesn’t know what Fjord’s tone means, or what his posture means. 

“Maybe you could come out with us next time?” Caduceus tries, smiling. 

There’s a brief flicker on Fjord’s face, a tiny smile twitching on the corner of his lips, but then it’s gone again. 

“I don’t think that’ll work out, do you? With you and your...you and Vallo. I’d be a bit of a third wheel-”

“Well we can just go out together, then? You and I-” the words are out of his mouth before Caduceus has even thought about them. 

Fjord falters again, his eyes widening. His own mouth opens and closes a few times.

“In a few days, maybe-” Caduceus hears himself continuing. Anything to keep Fjord there, looking at him. 

“Yeah,” Fjord swallows, drawing in a breath deep enough that his shoulders rise and then fall with the exhale. “Maybe.”

Caduceus nods his head, as though that will encourage the maybe into a yes. Time alone with Fjord. Out in the warm, bustling streets with other couples moving around, feeling the life all around them. Sharing a table somewhere. Somewhere he could gaze at Fjord’s little tusks and admire the new grey bits in his hair and touch his work-roughened fingers.

“Um-” Fjord breaks the silence, and only then does Caduceus realise they’ve been gazing at each other, that the tension between them has been rising, prickling teasingly on Caduceus’ skin. Only now that Fjord looks away does the moment shatter. “I’m going to go to bed. Sweet dreams, Deucey.”

He walks past, their arms brushing, a shiver of electricity running through Caduceus at the touch. 

“Goodnight, Fjord,” Caduceus says softly, turning to watch the other man make his way to the trapdoor and make his way down the stairs, their eyes meeting one more time before he’s out of sight. 

Caduceus heaves out a sigh. “Melora, help me.”

Sleep doesn’t come easy for Caduceus. There are the butterflies of excitement to contend with, and then there were the little trembles when he remembers the way Fjord looked at him, and that electricity. But maybe he’s the only one who felt that, maybe it’s just a projection of his want. With Vallo he knows that it’s reciprocated, that maybe Vallo is thinking about him right now-

Fjord isn’t. Fjord is no doubt sleeping soundly below.

It isn’t fair on Vallo (or on himself) for Caduceus to keep hanging onto this infatuation. The Wildmother has given him a solution, has guided his feet to Vallo, and that is where his energy must go.

That decision and his conviction makes sleep come easier, and he finally settles, falling into a comforting dream of drinking hot chocolate beside his tree and gentle touches to his hair, soft lips against his own. His half-orc companion remains faceless, but on waking Caduceus tells himself that it was Vallo, of course it was. 

He goes downstairs to make breakfast. He hears a few movements around the house, but nothing that implies anyone is keen to be awake soon, which means he has time to get everything ready for them. 

Fried potatoes, bacon, mushrooms, there’s still bread left from yesterday which Caduceus will toast, making a tea for himself before he puts another kettle on for everyone else. He likes to do everyone’s eggs to order, so that can wait until later. 

He sits at the table and drinks his tea and watches the dark sky beyond the window. After a few more minutes he hears the creak of boards above him and tracks the footsteps down the stairs, waiting for the owner to arrive in the kitchen. 

Fjord stops in the doorway, looking around with some apprehension in his expression at the otherwise empty room.

“You’re the first up!” Caduceus says cheerily. “How would you like your eggs this morning?”

“I was- I thought Beau would be up- or back, I mean- I’ll save eating until we finish our work out,” Fjord says, not yet moving fully into the room. 

“Okay, of course. Would you like tea?” Fjord’s discomfort is starting to make Caduceus a little uneasy, concerned that maybe he’s done something wrong. 

But then Fjord nods and steps forward, taking a seat as Caduceus stands to get his drink. 

“Did you sleep well?” his companion asks softly as he gets comfortable. 

“It took a while, but I meditated a while, and I suppose I have to put my trust in the Wildmother to guide me.”

He can feel Fjord looking at him, and he turns his head in case there are questions. But yet again he doesn’t understand the expression on the other man’s face. Returning to the table, Caduceus sets down the tea close to Fjord’s hands. “Do you need me to help you with anything?”

**

Fjord is usually good with his words. He can usually talk his way into and out of everything, but now he can’t find anything sensible or coherent to say. 

He’d thought they had time. He’d allowed himself to be complacent in the fact that Caduceus had never shown interest in anyone else. Anyone else besides him. Because Fjord isn’t always completely dense. He notices some things. He notices the way Caduceus has always lingered a little longer with him, has always been attentive to him. They have their bond with the Wildmother of course, which has drawn them closer, but Fjord has some experience with those tingling, wanting, longing feelings and he knows when something is building. 

That, and he’s heard it from other people. Caduceus’ righteous anger on Fjord’s behalf, that he looks at Fjord a certain way (thanks, Beau!), that the two of them have this ‘thing’. It’s thrilling, the slow burn. And Fjord had just assumed- he’s assumed they were on the same page. That they’re going to take that step at some point, possibly, when Caduceus is ready. But apparently Caduceus has been ready and he’s just not into Fjord. 

When Yasha had come home the night before and told them that Caduceus had gone on a date with another half-orc - a really nice guy - Fjord knows that the expression on his face gave everything away. His heart broke. It’s a new feeling, and he hates it. 

So Caduceus has found this half-orc that he likes, which means it isn’t because  _ Fjord _ is a half-orc that he doesn’t like him. But Caduceus  _ does _ like big guys, and from Yasha’s description this guy Vallo is big. So Fjord just doesn’t do it for Caduceus physically. His short, stocky ass isn’t attractive.

He’d wanted so badly to ask Caduceus about it last night, but he’d chickened out. Even worse, his stupid delusion had made him feel as though there were still something there. Something crackling between them. And he can’t let it go. He knows he should, but he’s a sucker for punishment and heartache. 

He’d gone to bed knowing with even more conviction that he is deeply in love with Caduceus and woken up with no idea what to do about it. 

And now they’re alone again. Early morning Caduceus is a beauty all of his own, when his hair is a little messy and he’s slightly rumpled and soft around the edges. Fjord thinks he should leave but he also doesn’t want to, which means they’re sitting down together having tea. 

“We should- are we- um-” Fjord scratches his head and wills the words to come. Caduceus waits for him with his infinite patience. “Dinner. Later in the week?” You’re an asshole, Fjord Stone. 

But he can’t feel too bad when Caduceus’ face lights up, and his ears twitch, and it’s a wonderful reaction to get. 

“I’d love that,” Caduceus recipes. “I saw so many places open last night when Vallo and I were walking around-” there’s a tiny pang of jealousy in Fjord, but Caduceus looks so enthusiastic about doing it with him that the green-eyed monster is very much placated. “-I’m sure we’ll find somewhere. Or we could just keep going out until we find somewhere we like-”

Fjord sighs happily, nodding his head. “I’d love that.”

He’s a terrible person. No, no he’s not. He and Caduceus have been working on this thing for years, they’ve been through so much together, and maybe Fjord has just realised that he needs to make a move, but he is and that’s what’s important. 

Now, this time, he basks in the tension that is building up between them as they look at each other across the table, as Caduceus lifts his cup to his lips and smiles. Fjord feels it curling like warmth in his chest. 

The sound of footsteps heavy on the stairs says they only have a few seconds left alone together, and Fjord basks in it, looking Caduceus over with a heavy gaze that he knows the other man can feel, even if he doesn’t know exactly what it means.

Jester bursts into the kitchen in a blaze of energy, and Caduceus rises to put her breakfast together as she excitedly gives him a run down of how they’re going to prepare for his date. Caduceus doesn’t have a lot to say on the matter, and as much as Fjord would like to flatter himself into thinking that it is because he’s in the kitchen, he knows once again it’s Caduceus’ lack of experience that makes him hold his tongue. 

Thankfully, Beau is only a minute behind Jester, already stretching as she walks into the kitchen. “You ready, or are you going to claim you’ve eaten too much?” she asks with a grin, looking remarkably perky for having been out until dawn, only the slight mess of her hair giving away that she’s a little tired. 

“I was waiting,” Fjord replies, standing. He looks over to Caduceus. “Keep something warm for me,” he says with a wink, pleased when the firbolg’s ears twitch up slightly again. “See ya!”

**

Caduceus is putting all of the preparations for his date in Jester’s hands. It means that he doesn’t need to think or worry or concern himself with anything, just agrees, and tells Jester do to or choose whatever she thinks is best. 

It gives Caduceus time to wonder about what was going on with him and Fjord. Last night he’d been so sure, last night his path had been so clear. This morning Fjord had stepped into the kitchen and turned his whole world upside down again just by existing. And then asking him to dinner. Which Caduceus had agreed to as easily as he’d agreed with Vallo. And with the same thrill, the dancing, buzzing rush in his bloodstream. 

“And you’re going to kiss, of course. I’m sure some people will say it’s not really done on the first date, but it’s probably like, totally going to happen with you guys, so you have to be prepared.”

“Oh,” Caduceus blinks. “Really? Um- what...what kind of kissing?”

Jester tips her head. “You know, putting your mouth against someone else’?” She makes a rough miming of it with her hands, making odd sucking noises. “Kissing.”

Caduceus nods his head slowly, but the heavy swallow that follows tells Jester all that she needs to know. She leans forward, her eyes wide. 

“Caduceus. Have you never kissed  _ anyone _ before? Is Vallo going to be your first kiss?” Now Jester’s eyes are wide and excited. “Oh my goodness! This is amazing! It’s so special!”

“Is it?” Caduceus asks. “I didn’t- I’ve never thought about it.” He has thought about kissing. He’s mused on it. He’s imagined Fjord being there, but now he’s faced with the actual reality of it happening. And it not involving Fjord. “It’s a big deal-” he says, knowing that Jester is probably going to say it is, of course.

“It is! It’s such a big deal! As much as the first person you have sex with! It’s an important thing, like a rite of passage.”

Caduceus nods, his ears drooping. “I have a few things I need to do before I start getting ready,” he says, excusing himself. 

He doesn’t really know where to go. There are sounds coming from the training room, but Caduceus’ feet take him away, leading him to the lab instead. 

Veth is at a table writing, and Caleb is in the corner on an armchair, reading. He looks up when Caduceus walks in, possibly for the first time since they got the house. 

“Hello, Caduceus,” the wizard says warmly. “How can we help?”

“Shouldn’t you be cleaning all your bits and pieces for your date?” Veth asks.

Caduceus immediately realises that he has probably come to the wrong people. But Caleb has known love, and Veth is married. 

“I, uh, wanted to ask something but I don’t know if it's- if you guys-” Normally Caduceus wouldn’t be so flustered, normally he wouldn’t falter. “Is a first kiss important?”

“No.”

“Kind of.”

He looks between Veth and Caleb respectively, lingering on the wizard. “Kind of? Do you remember your first kiss?”

Caleb nods with the softest smile. “Very fondly.”

“So you think it should be with someone special-” Vallo is special, he reminds himself. It would be special with Vallo. 

“I think  _ your _ first kiss should be with someone special. If you think that it is your friend then go for it, but you do not have to kiss him. Not until you are ready.”

“Just rip off the bandage and don’t overthink it,” Veth counters. 

Caduceus nods his head. “Thank you both.”

He spends the following few hours pottering around trying to avoid as many people as possible so that he can try and get his thoughts together. 

He makes some pies for lunch, enough that it can last through to dinner too, but he eats alone on the roof. He has thankfully not seen Fjord. Being around him is too confusing. It makes his brain consider things- kissing Vallo- that had been a possibility last night. It had been- that’s what that pull was, that tug, he’d felt it so he knows he absolutely isn’t repulsed by the idea. But he also knows what his heart wants. What it continues to want. 

His mind wanders to the potential dinner he and Fjord may have later in the week. 

In the early afternoon he heads down to meet Jester so that she can do whatever she needs, whatever she sees fit to do to him before he goes out. 

“Do you- have you, you know-” she gives him a look that he’s sure he’s supposed to understand. “Prepared?” she adds when he continues to look at her blankly. “In case you have sex.”

Caduceus’ eyes widen. “What? No...no, we’re not going to have sex. Not tonight-” maybe not ever. He wonders how Vallo would feel about that. 

Jester doesn’t push, just goes about brushing his hair for him, plaiting it, weaving a white ribbon through it. 

He feels pretty. Maybe not pretty, but he feels good. He looks at himself in the mirror and for the first time in his life Caduceus feels desirable. 

“Oh, Caduceus. You look so lovely already and you haven’t even put your clothes on!” Jester coos when she stands back to admire her handiwork. 

He has some nice clothes from their various occasions, and he’s opted for a long, mint green robe that closes at the front with little silver hooks and ornate clasps all the way down. It almost reaches the floor, so he isn’t too concerned that his boots are not as fancy as the rest of his outfit. 

Jester squeaks and claps her hands at his finished ensemble, her eyes wide and excited.

“Caduceus! You really do look incredible! He isn’t going to know what to do with himself! Or you! Well, he’s totally going to know what to do with you-”

He gets the implication there. And he knows that the possibility of Vallo thinking those things is quite high. It feels good, but also fills him with a bubble of anxiety. 

He wonders what Fjord will think.

Despite that, Caduceus keeps himself hidden in Jester and Beau’s room, not quite wanting to venture out yet. He doesn’t want to see Fjord, he doesn’t need any more confusion. 

Jester has a great selection of books he can read to pass the time, though all of them are a bit too relevant to this situation for it to be enjoyable. A lot of attractive youths having their first intimate interactions, and even if he skims through he can see nothing but the mentions of first time, first kisses, first loves, first hands moving and things penetrating, and he really doesn’t need this.

Caduceus’ ears twitch at the sound of the bells above the front door, the soft thump of a knock that is, judging from the position of the sun, most likely to be Vallo. He stands and leaves the room as the front door opens, Beau’s jovial greeting reaching him as he glances towards Fjord’s door. There’s no sound from inside, but the walls here are stony and thick. There is only a moment of hesitation, and then he heads to the stairs, making his way down. 

Vallo is waiting just inside the doorway, his hands folded in front of him. He’s dressed in a black leather wrapped tunic with black cotton pants. His hair is tied up with a thin black cord and he looks- he’s so handsome. Caduceus feels warmth flooding through him, unable to stop the smile curling on his lips as his heart skips. 

His date looks up at him as Caduceus walks down the stairs, eyes widening. Caduceus doesn’t need to know a lot of anything to recognise want. Desire. It’s brief before it’s schooled into a look of happiness, his hand reaching for one of Caduceus’ as the space between them closes, bringing it up to his lips to kiss his knuckles. 

“Wow,” Vallo whispers. “You- look amazing.”

“You’re very handsome,” Caduceus whispers back, looking Vallo up and down. 

“I’m glad you think so,” Vallo grins, his thumb sweeping over the skin he has just kissed. “Are you ready to go?”

“Can you give me two minutes?” Caduceus asks, squeezing the fingers holding his own. 

  
“Of course,” Vallo says, their touch lingering as Caduceus’ draws back. It makes his heart ache with happiness, but still he pulls away and heads up the stairs again. 

He knocks at Fjord’s door before he can overthink things, toying with the end of his hair. 

Fjord’s door opens and he looks surprised to see Caduceus, which is understandable, but the surprise melts into something softer and warmer. 

“Wow,” Fjord breathes out, stepping back and looking Caduceus over. “I- just- wow. You look incredible.”

Caduceus flushes with happiness, now fiddling with one of the ornate clasps on his robes. “Thank you.”

“He’s a very lucky man,” Fjord adds softly. Caduceus sees the honesty in his words, but also the sadness in his eyes as he speaks. And desire. Such confusing emotions. 

Caduceus takes a step forward, reaching out his hands and cupping Fjord’s cheek. He feels his friend lean into the touch and his heart aches. 

“You- enjoy your date, Caduceus. Make sure he treats you right,” Fjord whispers, turning his head into Caduceus’ palm, his sigh brushing across Caduceus’ wrist. 

Neither of them move for a moment. Fjord’s eyes are closed, his fists balled up at his sides as though it pains him to look. 

“Kiss me, Fjord.”

The other man’s eyes fly open wide. “What?”

“Kiss me,” Caduceus reports quietly, inching himself closer. “I want my first one to be with you.”

He’s barely drawn a breath when Fjord is upon him, his hands both cupping Caduceus’ face and drawing him in so that their lips meet. 

Caduceus feels warmth flood through him, tingles all over his body. Yes. This is wonderful. His fingers twist in the front of Fjord’s tunic, holding him as though he might fly away if he let go. 

Fjord’s lips part, his tongue pressing to the seam between Caduceus’, who parts his own in turn so that their tongues meet. The kiss is even better now, it makes Caduceus yearn for more, with the gentle scrape of Fjord’s beard against his skin, and the blunt scratch of his tusks, and the taste of him. Oh, the taste of him!

They break to breathe, but don’t part far. 

“Don’t go,” Fjord whispers desperately. “Don’t go, stay here with me. Please?”

“I must go, darling.”

“But I want you,” Fjord replies. “And you want me. I  _ know _ you want me.”

“I do,” Caduceus admits, the ache in his chest both more and less at the same time. 

“Then stay,” Fjord implores. 

“I must go,” Caduceus repeats. “Just as his friend. And just for a few hours-”

“Then you’ll come back to me?” Fjord says, pulling Caduceus closer, touching their lips together again. He feels the way Fjord angles his hips back though, to keep the evidence of his arousal from pressing against Caduceus’ hip. “Come back here to me. Be with me.”

There is desperation in Fjord’s voice that he hasn’t heard before. For Caduceus. The want for them to be together. 

“I will, I will, Fjord,” Caduceus nods with another brief brush of their lips. “I’ll see you soon.”

Fjord still holds him, reluctant to let him go. 

“I am yours, Fjord,” Caduceus says quietly. “He isn’t you.” He feels awful for saying it out loud, but it is his truth. “I’ll be back soon.”

Fjord finally releases him, forcefully taking himself back two more steps so that he isn’t tempted to hold on longer. Caduceus smiles at him and steps back too, edging out of the door.

**

Fjord can wait. Fjord can wait for him to come back. He’s waited this long, what is a few more hours? Especially when those few hours can be spent in elation of Caduceus kissing him, wanting to be with him. Of thinking of when Caduceus returns and they can lay in Fjord’s bed holding each other. He can tell Caduceus he loves him, tell him all the things he’s thought of for so long but never had the courage to say. 

There’s also the niggling jealousy that ruins those thoughts, the jealousy that has been tearing Fjord apart since Yasha got home yesterday and told them about a man who had taken a liking to Caduceus. Who Caduceus seemed to like. Caduceus had liked Vallo then, even when he already liked Fjord. What is there from stopping Caduceus from realising he actually likes Vallo more? Vallo is apparently forthcoming with his attraction to Caduceus, he is apparently strong, well built, and that’s more than anyone would describe Fjord as. 

He doesn’t dare leave his room, he doesn’t want to vocalise these ridiculous circles of thought to anyone, neither the positive nor the negative. So he just paces the floor and tries to focus on the fact that Caduceus wanted him to be his first kiss. And gods, it had been a great kiss! You can’t manufacture that kind of chemistry. 

He was Caduceus’ first kiss! 

But what if Vallo is a better kisser? If Caduceus came to him for his first kiss then maybe that means Caduceus had been intending to kiss Vallo as well. 

He sinks onto his bed, dropping back onto the pillow despondently, staring up at the ceiling. He could go and put some tea on, get things ready for Caduceus to return home, but he doesn’t know how long that’ll be, and he doesn’t want to offer him cold tea. At this point he doesn’t know how long it’s even been, so he doesn’t know when Caduceus will be back. 

Fjord wakes up to his door opening and closing softly, blinking to clear his eyes. He sits up and feels his back twinge, but it’s forgotten the instant he sees Caduceus standing there, quiet and nervously expectant, a tiny smile on his face. 

“You look beautiful,” Fjord says, his sleepy brain providing the words before he has time to overthink them. 

“Thank you, Fjord,” Caduceus laughs softly, ducking his head in that adorable, bashful way. 

Fjord breathes in, relaxing, letting go of everything else but this moment. 

“Welcome home,” he says.

**Author's Note:**

> One of my usual fic splurges, they're coming in thick and fast after spending four days at Christmas just writing! 
> 
> Vallo is going to pop up in the background of a few fics, because I love him a whole lot and Caduceus deserves to be flirted with whilst his half-orc realises he's worthy of nice things. No shade on Fjord.
> 
> Catch me on discord ~ Tulli#0322, I need encouragement. Or on tumblr ~hey-tulli where I post pictures of soft bisexual boys hugging their friends. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves, and be kind to each other!


End file.
